An Open Letter

27Aug11

This is an open letter to a writer on Fanfiction.net, Phantom’s Ange. I’ll give you a little history about her: She started out writing under a different name. She was caught plagiarizing though and had her account shut down. She edited the story, created a new account and posted it again. She would eventually become the laughingstock of the Lord of the Rings fandom. She is still infamous there, though she has since left.

I discovered her before she left but after she had become the laughingstock of the fandom. I will disclose that I have MST-ed a story or two by her. It may seem like I am picking on her. However, I do actually go back and check up on other authors I have MST-ed. Phantom’s Ange is just…the most persistent. If you’re wondering why I’m not just posting a review, it’s because she blocked me because I wasn’t praising her story.

Dear Phantom’s Ange,

Americans are taught to be persistent. We are taught that giving up is bad. However, there comes a time where persistence isn’t always a good thing and one must give up. I believe you have come to that point.

You are the only writer I have come across who actually gets worse with each story. Most people improve. There was a chance that you improved with your final attempt of “Last Hope.” However, stories written at the same time did not reflect the same amount of growth. Perhaps you got a wonderful beta, perhaps you got a ghostwriter. Either way, it was your best work but I am not entirely certain it was all yours. Ever since, though, your standards have fallen.

I do not think you understand what makes a story. A story is about the journey your characters take. A story is about how the character grows from Point A to Point B.

Your characters are generic Mary Sues. They are just cutouts of each other. And very predictable. They are given little to no character development. Let’s use Aurora from “Two Hearts, One Soul” for example. She shows no growth from the start of the story until the end. Yes, she ends up falling for Erik. That was a given from the moment you introduced her though. She did not have to overcome any true obstacle to get her happy ending. Damian and Dorian don’t count for reasons I’ll get into later.

There are several obstacles that you never took advantage of. For example, Aurora has just left an abusive relationship. She should have trust issues. She should be skittish. She should have serious doubts about entering a relationship with Erik. This is compounded by the fact that she was also a rape victim. Her only sexual experience has been a traumatic and non-consensual one.

Erik also had never had a normal relationship. His parents rejected him. He was abused by the gypsies and turned into a spectacle. He then lived under the Opera House before meeting Christine. He then stalked her and became a possessive person. He never really experienced love. He wouldn’t be able to fall easily into a relationship.

You have paired two people who should have trust, relationship and intimacy issues. There is an interesting obstacle right there as well as a chance for character development. How do they overcome these obstacles? Can they overcome them? Does this make them stronger as individuals and a couple? That is a journey we want to read.

Another interesting obstacle you never explored was the fact that Aurora was a mother. In fact, from what I can tell, you have since taken to giving children companions to your main characters since—Aoife has her sister Chloe while Alaina has her sister Emily. With the exception of Melody (for whom I still use the original age of 8), these girls are 5 years-old. Now I can understand why you may have chosen that age—they are potty-trained, can walk on their own and can talk well enough. They seem to be ideal, cute companions and a way to garner your character sympathy, right?

(Please note my usage of the word “whom” in the preceding paragraph. It is used correctly as it is the object of preposition).

Wrong. Are you often around children? Based on your child characters, I would think not. They do not act as usual children do nor are they treated well by you, the author. In most cases, they are treated as accessories at best. Children need constant attention. Children as young as you have written them cannot be left alone and are dependent on the adults in their lives. Children themselves could serve as a way for your character to grow.

We’ll go back to Aurora and her daughter Melody. You make a point of making Aurora the daughter of a duke. Yet you do not realize what that entails. As a duchess, Danielle would not have raised her daughter. A governess would have. Aurora would’ve only seen her mother occasionally throughout her childhood, mostly trotted out to impress her parents’ guests. Danielle only would’ve taken an interest in Aurora when the girl was old enough to enter society. You do not mention much about her time as Dorian’s prisoner, but let’s say for argument’s sake that she was kept separate from her daughter.

At the start of the story, Aurora escapes Dorian’s, taking Melody with her. Now, she has to fend for herself and her daughter. She also now has to figure out how to be a mother to Melody. No one is the perfect mother, especially at first. So, mistakes are expected. However, they must be noticed. Mme. Giry should comment on the fact that Aurora tends to leave Melody alone a lot. Or the fact that Melody doesn’t seem to have been educated. Perhaps someone calls Aurora out for treating Erik better than Melody. In the chapter where Aurora goes shopping for Christmas presents, she buys Erik new sheet music for him to write his music. It was thoughtful and personal gift. She buys Melody bed sheets. What child wants to receive that as a Christmas gift?

Personally, I think you should stop using the children all together. You only use them as either accessories or kidnapper bait. Your stories would not change greatly if they were dropped.

Now on to your villains. I once described them as “caricatures of a caricature of a melodramatic villain.” Another person inserted “Saturday morning cartoon” there. Think about it. Some of the most memorable characters are the villains. Yours though? Funny yet forgettable. They do not add anything and you never create any form of suspense. A good villain would’ve been a good obstacle to overcome. Someone who could be a good rival for Aurora’s heart, perhaps? Yet she is either drawn to Erik for some inexplicable reason or there’s a reason why he is the wrong person.

One of the reasons I think your characters suffer from a lack of development is the fact that you still have yet to grasp the importance of description in a story. And I am not talking about their clothing. Look, sometimes clothing is important. It can set a place, a mood, or it may play an important role. If this isn’t the case and you are just engaging in what TV tropes dubs “Costume Porn” than drop it. We do not want to sit there reading every small detail about your Sue’s outfit. We do not care.

I have often been critical of your decision to “cast” your stories. Look, it’s okay to think of an actor/actress/musician when creating a character. Other authors have modeled characters on people they know. Yet to create cast lists? That just shows a lack of creativity.

However, I was mildly impressed that you never openly compared them to the actors in your writing as I had seen other writers do. And then I saw a chapter of your Sherlock Holmes fanfic. You described your Sue by comparing her to an actress. That isn’t just a new creative low. This is an insult to your readers. Do you honestly think your readers cannot create a mental picture in their heads? If this is because people asked, then you clearly did not do your duties as a writer.

I still stand by something I told you a few years ago. You can write description. You just describe the wrong things. You hardly describe settings. You don’t create an emotional connection between your readers and your characters. And that was when I was reading “Two Hearts, One Soul.” Later stories don’t even have the description of that story, which is another example of how you have gotten worse than better. You have resorted more and more to TELLING not SHOWING.

Writing isn’t for you. I usually don’t like telling writers that. I like to believe there is hope. Not this time. I apologize if you are not religious, but I am. I believe God gives us a talent. I do not think writing is your talent. I think you need to find your talent.

If you do think that your talent is writing, please remember that it is not all natural talent. Like anything else, you have to work at it—practice.

What type of books do you read? What reading level are they? Because I think that’s affecting your writing. Perhaps you do not understand the complexities of writing because you aren’t reading challenging material. I mean something like “To Kill a Mockingbird” or any of the fandoms you have written in. Most started as novels. (With the exception of Sherlock Holmes—his started as short stories). Study them carefully. Study how the author uses description. How s/he develops his/her character. How setting is portrayed. How s/he draws you into the story.

Then, look into books about writing. Go to the library and ask the librarian for assistance. Do you live by a community college? Or any college? Can you locate their course catalogue? If so, see if they offer writing classes. Then see how you can enroll in that course. It will help you learn techniques needed to improve. It will also provide a place for you to get better feedback than the usual “OMG this is so good rite moar!!!1!” you find on the internet. You also can’t block them either if they aren’t favorable.

You have to do research. And by research, I don’t mean finding a new outfit for your character to wear or weapon to use. I mean research about the fandom you are writing about. Understand the characters, understand the setting. Carefully think everything out. How your character(s) fit into the story. How their presence might change the story.

Here’s another tip. Don’t insult your readers. They are generally intelligent. You don’t have to spell things out for them. Trust that they’ll make the connections.

Also, in regards to your Sherlock Holmes fic—lose the omnipotent character. You’ve eliminated any obstacle possible in this story short of the kid getting kidnapped. And once again—that’s what a plot is.

I don’t know if you’ll find this. If you do, I hope you’ll heed this.

x

Me

Filed under: Fanfiction, Lord of the Rings, The Phantom of the Opera   |  1 Comment
Tags: advice, characters, Mary Sues, open letter, reviews, writing